It has been a while

I haven't blogged for a very long, long time.  I've lost touch with the blogging world as my world fell apart around Easter this year.  I had to walk away from my job and completely just shut off for a while.  However, there was a silver lining in all this upset, turmoil and conflict in my life...I began sewing again and even sold my dresses.  

I published pictures online in a group on Facebook and received some orders for my dresses and sold about 7 items of clothing.  Then, I thought at last!  And it just fizzled out.  I don't know what to do next.  I'm not very good at promoting myself.  I know I need to improve this, but my self esteem took such a kick in the guts this year, I really have struggled to pick myself up.

I want to be positive again, creative and have a better work life balance.  I keep getting emails from former colleagues and my tutor asking me to return to teaching and not to give up.  I really don't think they understand what it was like me for me at my last school.  I just can't do it any more.  However, I am starting to job hunt again.  I will rebuild that confidence that I once had.  I will also publish another knitting pattern and hold more competitions to win prizes!  I will blog again and share my projects and create an Autumn collection of clothes to buy in the shop as well.  All of this will happen.  It has to because I realise now that if I'm creative I'm at peace with myself and my life does fall into place then.

I thought I'd post some pictures of dresses and tops I made.  Maybe it will inspire people to buy something from my shop!

My friend Carol looks stunning in my change of hearts dress

A simple wrap dress, the fabric is 100%

I have two versions of this top, one with little sleeves and one that is sleeveless

Simple Knitting

After I knitted my cardigan, the feedback I got was that it was beautiful but some of my friends found the idea of knitting a cardigan quite daunting.  They requested that I make something more simple that they could knit for themselves.  

I thought about this and remember how I began knitting and how I made scarves.  I found scarves allowed me to experiment with different textures and designs without having to worry about tension and blocking.  I used to have a large collection of hand knitted scarves, but gradually over time, some of them have been donated to charity and gifted to friends.  I remember one Autumn, I made four scarves as Christmas presents to some of my closest friends.  However, I wanted to design something a little different from just a plain scarf, so I decided upon a cowl.

I wanted a cowl with texture.  Originally, I was going to do a mock cable cowl but upon research, there was several already out there with that same idea.  In the end, I did something that I made up on the spot, the includes a moss stitch and a basket weave.

This was the end result:

I'm quite pleased with this and the pattern is available to purchase here.  I hope that people will buy, especially those that requested something more simple and manageable.  I think it is pretty and versatile for someone with some experience with knitting.

I will put it up for a competition at some point as well.

Changes and a Cardigan

One of my great ambitions (ha!) this year was to bite the bullet and actually design and publish a knitting pattern myself.  However, when I was working full-time and then some, progress was slow and I found it took way longer than I ever anticipated.  For a time, I thought it wouldn't happen and then something amazing happened.  I quit my job.

It was liberating after months and months of being stressed, anxious and deeply depressed.  Yes, I still have a long way to go, I need to think about my future and what happens next and how I can move forward but I'm out of such an unhealthy environment that I could actually focus on my passion of finishing my cardigan and writing up the pattern.  I've had some interest in it and really, I would like to generate more.

This is the final project:

I was in a cold classroom for the winter, there was only heat from the computers and the students.  At the start of the day, it would be freezing but it would gradually warm as the day progressed.  However, when you have like 8 billion emails to answer in a 10 minute gap before meeting and your day of teaching actually beginning, it isn't the best start to the day.  Of course, I never finished this in time to show it off at work...I was gone when that happened.
The link to buy my pattern is here. It is also available on Etsy.

I hope it generates more interest.  It is really a lovely cardigan.  You don't have to be advanced knitter to knit but have some experience with knit, purl, yarn over needles, slip stitches and decreases.  If you can do that, yes, you can do that.  It is an oversized cardigan deliberately to keep you warm and cosy.  Enjoy!

When Times Passes

I've wanted to blog again and yet, it hasn't happened for a very long time.  It is too long of a story to talk about what happened to my time.  The short story is I had a job and it was too consuming, too overwhelming, too upsetting and I left.

So now, I'm at a crossroads yet again in my life, wondering what to do next and what will work for me.  I was so unhappy for so long that I don't want a repeat of that experience.  I had days when I cried and just felt so utterly alone, desperate to have something, to feel more positive and it wasn't happening.  I had moments when I felt like I was suffocating, just alone with my thoughts.  I would come home, be surrounded by two other people and still feel utterly empty.  Days turned into weeks and then months.  I realise that is deeply personal, all of this but maybe you'll understand...sometimes you just have to walk away.

However, out of something bad, something good came out of it.  I knitted a cardigan, I designed it myself and I live in it.  I wanted something that would be a classic style that I would just treasure for years, that would be me.  

Here it is for your viewing pleasure:

I am going to write up the pattern and have it published on raverly where you can buy the  pattern. Not the cardigan as that is my labour of love, it was my sanity, my quiet time away from all the demons in my heart and in my head.  I will give you the link when I finish the pattern.

From now on, between jobs, it will be my creative time, MY time, doing the things that make me remember there is more to life than stress and emptiness.  I feel like I've been stuck in a loop for so long, just going in circles, chasing my tail and I'm just exhausted so wish me luck on my next venture.